THE LAST WHY
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THE LAST WHY
  • Home/
  • the last why: the poem/
  • poems index/
  • poems/
  • ESSAYS/
  • ESSAYS INDEX/
  • Photos/
    • paying projects
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    • our home and garden
    • catsnaps
    • welcome guests
    • scattered shots
    • fall colours
    • remembering mom 12/28/1915-07/27/2010
    • remembering dad 02/02/1915-04/09/2004
    • being me
River of Golden Dreams 03/06
THE LAST WHY

remembering mom 12/28/1915-07/27/2010

THE LAST WHY
  • Home/
  • the last why: the poem/
  • poems index/
  • poems/
  • ESSAYS/
  • ESSAYS INDEX/
  • Photos/
    • paying projects
    • bathroom
    • railing
    • our home and garden
    • catsnaps
    • welcome guests
    • scattered shots
    • fall colours
    • remembering mom 12/28/1915-07/27/2010
    • remembering dad 02/02/1915-04/09/2004
    • being me
River of Golden Dreams 03/06

River of Golden Dreams 03/06

again

River of Golden Dreams 01/06

River of Golden Dreams 01/06

This view of the River of Golden Dreams is one of the most beautiful water scenes in the valley. The picture is that much more beautiful with the presence of Mom.

Cleaning pails

Cleaning pails

I got 20 paint pails to haul bark mulch from the source to our garden. Mom cleaned the dried paint out of them alone only as long as it took for me to snap this picture. Honest.

The grim sweeper

The grim sweeper

Mom starts sweeping inside then goes out the front door, down the steps and finally sweeps the entire driveway. We have the cleanest driveway in town.

Portrait of inspiration

Portrait of inspiration

taken 03.13.07


Filling pails

Filling pails

Mom filled the pails alone only as long as it took for me to snap this picture. Honest.

Lupines

Lupines

Lupines grow at dozens of locations along the highway. These are at the entrance to the source of the bark mulch. Each time we pass a patch Mom admires their beauty.

A rare rest

A rare rest

I offer her a 5 minute break every hour but Mom seldom takes a break.

Sanding the railing

Sanding the railing

I offered Mom the power sander but she doesn't like to wear the ear protection and dust mask.

Berries picked

Berries picked

There are about 12 lbs. of strawberries here. Mom loves to pick berries. She did  not pick them alone. Honest. A couple months later we picked raspberries. We picked blueberries and peaches at the market.

Wildflowers

Wildflowers

These flowers grow about 50' from our backdoor. Too bad we have to go so far to enjoy them.

Cutting grass

Cutting grass

The patch of grass is about 250 sq. ft. It is as thin as my hair but Mom enjoys cutting and raking it, the grass that is.

Asiatic pot lily

Asiatic pot lily

The supervisor takes a close look.

Sifting gravel

Sifting gravel

Mom and I removed, and cleaned all the debris from the gravel in our garden paths. She sifted gravel alone  only as long as it took for me to snap this picture. Honest.

Teeing off

Teeing off

It is just at a practice facility but Mom enjoyed hitting the ball.

Nasturtiums

Nasturtiums

The flowers weren't beautiful enough so I forced Mom to sit among them.

Our lady of the mountains

Our lady of the mountains

This sign is at the entrance to Our Lady of the Mountains Catholic Church located where we begin our walk through the woods to the lake. I think it suits Mom perfectly.

Fall flames

Fall flames

Mom competing with the fall colors and winning.

Our Japanese maple

Our Japanese maple

The Japanese maple is a deep burgundy color throughout the year. It becomes more beautiful in the fall when it puts on its crimson coat. Mom can put her coat on any time of the year.

Tennis

Tennis

We only use the front half of the court but Mom still gets full court pleasure out of hitting the ball.

Christmas cactus

Christmas cactus

Mom supervises the indoor garden as well.

Sweeping snow at 90

Sweeping snow at 90

Whether it is summer or winter, dirt or snow, Mom loves to sweep. Most of the time though Mom shovels the snow; but not all of it. Honest.

Christmas flower

Christmas flower

The flower is a gift from my sister Sharon.

On the trail 1

On the trail 1

It was a bit late on our first day of skiing but there is always time to look at a scene this beautiful.

Click and drag queen

Click and drag queen

I introduced Mom to solitaire on the computer in the fall of 05. Now it is next to scrabble as a favorite brain game.

On the trail 2

On the trail 2

At this point we are half way around a 3k loop and also half way between Mom's  falls. Click here to read about the falls. (to come back click "photo album" then "being mom".)

Dog sitting

Dog sitting

The dog is my brother Don's Lakeland terrier Brisko. He is always a welcome guest. If he comes before Mom is up he heads right for her bed, jumps up and stays there until she awakes.

Resting before return walk

Resting before return walk

We park the van at the beginning of the trail, walk 1.3k through the woods to Rainbow Park where we sit for a bit before the return trip. If you are going to rest, can you think of a more beautiful setting?

Rushing spring

Rushing spring

There is still lots of snow around but even 100 sq ft of garden is enough to clean up.

Cultivating the cactus

Cultivating the cactus

This is the second flowering in a few months. Mom never tires of its beauty.

Lumberjill

Lumberjill

Mom and I always have a nap after lunch. On this day when I got up from mine, I found Mom clipping the branches off the tree I had cut down. That doesn't happen all the time, honest.

The perfect match

The perfect match

Mom loves to have her colors match. On more than one occasion before leaving the house I have had to go upstairs to exchange socks Mom noticed didn't match the rest of her outfit. I asked her to put on this hat and blouse so I could take her picture beside the current bush. She loved the matching colors.

Mom and her lupines

Mom and her lupines

Mom enjoys the beauty of the lupines growing by the side of the road so much I gathered some seeds and planted her own patch. These are second year  plants.

Berry picking 1

Berry picking 1

Mom and have different picking techniques. She just bends at her waist and picks. I crawl along on my hands and knees because I am afraid if I bend over I may not be able to straighten up and I have to drive home.

Berry picking 2

Berry picking 2

Mom stood up just so I could take this picture. She really is just a picking machine.

Berry picking 3

Berry picking 3

There are about 11 pounds of berries in the box. Mom picked most of them while I emptied her picking container and took pictures.

Memorial bench

Memorial bench

Across the highway from where we live there is a lake with homes along its shore. Mom and I often walk along the road that services these homes. Due to the shape of the lake the road ends and begins again about 100 meters further on. The two ends of the road are connected by a lovely path through the woods. At the beginning of the path there is a memorial bench that we often sit on to enjoy the view. It inspired a poem I called "Mother's Bench".

The market (10.08.06)

The market (10.08.06)

Every Sunday throughout the summer there is farmer's market in town. We went most Sundays mostly just to enjoy an outing together. This picture was taken on Thanksgiving Sunday, the last market for the year. The experience inspired my poem, "Market Memory".

Mom's silhuotte

Mom's silhuotte

We are on the bridge we have to walk across  when we go to the market each Sunday during the summer. This day we are heading to a restaurant where Mom treated me to lunch so she could have a break from doing the dishes.

The River of Golden Dreams 01.20.07

The River of Golden Dreams 01.20.07

I make no apologies for a third picture of Mom gazing at The River of Golden Dreams on one of our many walks along the valley trail.

Riding

Riding

Mom never quits; but sadly, like all of us, she hasn't figured out how to pedal backwards.

Spring? cleanup

Spring? cleanup

03.19.07  When there is debris to clean up it never too early.

More cleanup

More cleanup

It was Mom's job to remove the stones from around the base of the maple tree, clean up the dead leaves and replace the stones. She had some difficulty on the sloping path but she managed.

Break time

Break time

Believe me this picture was not posed. I do give Mom the opportunity to take a break, once in a while.

Vacuuming

Vacuuming

This was my idea. Honest. Even Mom looked askance at me when I suggest vacuuming the hemlock cones off the gravel path but she did her usual thorough job.

Wood cutter

Wood cutter

05.17.07  Mom wanted to use one of my dull carpenter's saws but once she got used to the little pruning saw she worked like a beaver. She did it all by herself.  Mom even tightened the wood in the vise.

Worn out

Worn out

I had to get Mom a new broom. Mom would have kept using the old one until the bristles were gone. Then she would have used the handle and when she wore that out she would have kept sweeping with her hands. I think I bought the old broom when she came to stay with me in 2001 because I can't imagine I had any need for one before that.

Scrabble queen

Scrabble queen

It is a conservative estimate that since beginning to live with me in 2001 Mom and I have played over 1600 games of scrabble. I think she has won about 1 in 5. Each time she reacts the same. First she laughs and slaps her leg. Then she says, "Incredible". Next she tries to console me with, "You can only play what you get." Occasionally she will ask me again who won. I would like to think she is putting me on but sadly, although she can remember how to spell and add up her score with the occasional help, she can't remember who won a few minutes after the game. If Mom does ask, I tell her again and she gets to enjoy the experience a second time.

Summer do

Summer do

The barber got carried away. This is the shortest Mom's hair has ever been. Still she looked good as always. The summer of 07.

Foreboding

Foreboding

I thought I was going to title this picture "the last sweep". It was taken just after Mom suffered through an attack of shingles followed by a bladder infection. For the first time I had to help her down the steps to the driveway so she could sweep. Prior to her health problems she would have swept her way down the steps and swept the entire flat area of the driveway without stopping. This day she lasted about 5 minutes before she needed a rest. I thought I was going to lose her. Happily, as you can see Mom recovered most of her lost life.

Favorite flower

Favorite flower

We were at the market. Mom is enjoying the activity.

Berry picking '07

Berry picking '07

This might be the last time we pick berries.  Mom picked a lot. After we picked our 12 pounds Mom said she would have picked more quickly but was slowed down because she had to hold on to the wire supporting the raspberry canes to keep from falling. She didn't notice that I cried.

Berry picking '07

Berry picking '07

The scenery.

Berry picking '07

Berry picking '07

Mom and the berries we picked.

Cutting the grass

Cutting the grass

One more time.

Cleaning gravel

Cleaning gravel

I dumped it into the wheelbarrow full of water. The depris floats to the surface. Mom removed the debris with a kitchen sieve. I shoveled the clean gravel into buckets. It is a bit like moving a pile of sand from one spot to another but we did it together. This year Mom was a reluctant helper. She agreed to help only if I provided a chair with two cushions.

Mom and sister Suzanne

Mom and sister Suzanne

Suzanne came to visit. We packed a picnic lunch and set out to pick berries. We ate lunch on a bench of straw bales under a canopy. The three of us then picked strawberries. Afterward Mom returned to the shade of the canopy while S. and I picked blueberries. It was a successful outing.

Happy sweeper.

Happy sweeper.

Mom uses a broom to sweep up the tiny male fir cones. It helps to be happy.

Mom, sisters Suzanne and Sharon.

Mom, sisters Suzanne and Sharon.

Suzanne travelled from Vancouver, Sharon from Ontario to spend Labor Day weekend with Mom and Me.

Resting place

Resting place

About half way from the parking lot, next to the bridge we cross to get to the market there is a lovely little park where we often take a break in our walk. Behind the grass are the love seats.

Love seats

Love seats

This day at the market Mom and I bought a bag of popcorn then returned to the park and the love seats where we relaxed in the sun, listened to the river rush by and ate our popcorn.

Sun and Mom

Sun and Mom

Between the path we walk on back to the parking lot and a road there is a strip of woods. On this day the filtered sun and Mom looked particularly beautiful.

Fall clean up

Fall clean up

Mom's moto is, what we do in the fall we don't have to do in the spring.

Winter clean up

Winter clean up

There wasn't enough snow to shovel; just enough to sweep. After Mom made a pile I shoveled it from the driveway.

Shoveling snow

Shoveling snow

There was enough snow to shovel this day. Even though it was only the 22nd of December 07 I gave Mom the shovel I bought her for Christmas. It is 6 days before her 92nd birthday.

Happy 92nd birthday Mom

Happy 92nd birthday Mom

We shared the mini Blackforest cake, her favorite.

Mom's snow job

Mom's snow job

When it snows Mom considers it her job to remove the snow from the deck. In previous years she thought it was her job to clear the snow from the steps leading down to the driveway but she is now uncomfortable working on uneven surfaces. When she finishes the deck Mom usually helps me clean up the driveway.

Really good hair day

Really good hair day

I took this picture after a regular  home made wash and dry. I asked Mom to change her blouse because it matches the cactus on the shelf.

Spring clean up 08

Spring clean up 08

Just to do get out of the house and do something besides walking we got a start on spring clean up. We raked and swept tree debris from the snow onto the driveway then shoveled it into the garbage pail. We didn't finish that day but as Mom says, "It was a start."

Soaking up the new year sun.

Soaking up the new year sun.

Most weeks we have a pizza day. When the weather is good for sitting in the sun we park in one part of the village, walk to another part where we have our pizza then we walk to the base of the mountain, buy a cup of ice cream and sit in the sun until our bums get sore. Then we walk back to our van, drive home and I have a nap. It is always a good day.

img_0729.jpg

img_0729.jpg

 The last photo I took of Mom

The last photo I took of Mom

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River of Golden Dreams 03/06
River of Golden Dreams 01/06
Cleaning pails
The grim sweeper
Portrait of inspiration
Filling pails
Lupines
A rare rest
Sanding the railing
Berries picked
Wildflowers
Cutting grass
Asiatic pot lily
Sifting gravel
Teeing off
Nasturtiums
Our lady of the mountains
Fall flames
Our Japanese maple
Tennis
Christmas cactus
Sweeping snow at 90
Christmas flower
On the trail 1
Click and drag queen
On the trail 2
Dog sitting
Resting before return walk
Rushing spring
Cultivating the cactus
Lumberjill
The perfect match
Mom and her lupines
Berry picking 1
Berry picking 2
Berry picking 3
Memorial bench
The market (10.08.06)
Mom's silhuotte
The River of Golden Dreams 01.20.07
Riding
Spring? cleanup
More cleanup
Break time
Vacuuming
Wood cutter
Worn out
Scrabble queen
Summer do
Foreboding
Favorite flower
Berry picking '07
Berry picking '07
Berry picking '07
Cutting the grass
Cleaning gravel
Mom and sister Suzanne
Happy sweeper.
Mom, sisters Suzanne and Sharon.
Resting place
Love seats
Sun and Mom
Fall clean up
Winter clean up
Shoveling snow
Happy 92nd birthday Mom
Mom's snow job
Really good hair day
Spring clean up 08
Soaking up the new year sun.
img_0729.jpg
 The last photo I took of Mom
  • Home/
  • the last why: the poem/
  • poems index/
  • poems/
  • ESSAYS/
  • ESSAYS INDEX/
  • Photos/
    • paying projects
    • bathroom
    • railing
    • our home and garden
    • catsnaps
    • welcome guests
    • scattered shots
    • fall colours
    • remembering mom 12/28/1915-07/27/2010
    • remembering dad 02/02/1915-04/09/2004
    • being me

THE LAST WHY

The explanation of life and related writings.

02/02/24

RHYMED REASON

DONALD TRUMP
CLIMATE BREAKDOWN
AGE of ASININITY
LIFE: a reaction to the void
ANALYZING CONFLICT
ABORTION
DEMOCRACY: the death of us
ECONOMY
ARRESTING CLIMATE CHANGE
KNOWLEDGE and ESSENTIAL FACTS
DEMOCRACY: a debacle

PROSETRY
$$NATURE’S NUTRITIONAL IDEAL$$
CANADA’S NATIONAL ANTHEM (x3)
CANADIAN ELECTION 2025
OUR LIFE LINE
OUR HISTORY and THE LAST WHY

INTRODUCTION
Like everyone, I inherited an existence. Mine collapsed circa 1970 while I was at McMaster U, Hamilton, ON, Canada, getting a BA(math) and B. Phys Ed, so I could teach. While sorting through the rubble of my life I noticed, though not as pervasive as it is today, a continuum of varied and increasing conflict permeating our existence. I wondered why.

Though wondering for myself I thought I should find the reason for conflict before a student I might teach asked me. I couldn’t deduce the reason with math; nor did I think I found it in the 5 major religions and their thousands of offspring, or in the 11 volume history of philosophy I skimmed for electives.

So besides my formal degrees, I graduated with a major degree of motivation to find before I taught, the reason for conflict. I never taught. By the time I discovered the answer to why increasing conflict pervades our existence, I’d become, with the help of my brother, a self-employed carpenter.

I tried and failed to share the answer at least three times and each time I vowed to quit trying. The last was in 1998 when a friend of a friend, a philosophy professor, wished me good luck on other projects. To help keep my last vow I started an addition to my house. I received even more help in 2000 when I began caring for my parents.

But then, when my father died in 2004 I was motivated to try sharing my analysis one more time before I died. I was still thinking of a hard copy when a friend suggested I publish on a website. I’d never heard of websites nor could I type but with more help from my Mother I bought a computer, learned to type, and with expert help, created a website. 

I first thought I’d bury the reason for conflict in an essay. But having already experienced web attention deficit disorder I decided to highlight the essence of it in my website logo and add context with blog posts.

Since there is no answer to “Why am I?”, attempts to answer it, such as the myriad religions and philosophies I skimmed, and a variety of other responses I found, are tries to fill the void. Though we can mix them, some may be similar and even have identical names, because we direct them to the void within us, our tries are all opposed and so cause conflict to the extent of our belief in them.

But, conflict is not inevitable. We can diminish it and resulting death to the degree we empty the void. Now, if we choose to empty the void, our lives are not then devoid of activity, on the contrary! Because it is essential, we each possess some remnant of “reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to Nature’s God”, the natural activity that creates and tries to maintain all life.

So, even though in the 200k years since the birth of humanity we have replaced almost all our inherited natural activity with the human made unnatural, self-destructive activity of trying to fill the void, if we choose to empty the void, the remnants of our natural, self-creative activity will at least refill our lives and possibly answer “Why am I?”

I have been trying share these basic facts of life for a few years by advertising. Last year (2023) I bought 8 million page views with half the value of my home, without effect; but this time I won’t quit. The warnings about fatal climate change by hundreds of climate scientists over many more years have also been ignored. 

However, I do have to reduce my advertising. If it is too late to prevent it, I’ll need a place to live where I can watch the increasing conflict within us, between us and with Nature, causing at least the death of us and maybe all of Nature, possibly even before I’d have died in peace.

If you feel moved to help me share these facts you can by using the share icon at the end of any post, notably my most recent piece of rhymed reason, “Analyzing Conflict”, or any other way of sharing. If you also click on the like icon you will see an explosion of hearts, an expression of my gratitude. 🙏 Doug E Barr.

Read: Nature’s Nutritional Ideal

Part 1.Nature’s ideal diet: It was designed to maintain our immune/ maintenance system at its optimum operating condition to protect us from both pathogenic and autoimmune diseases. It protected our predecessors from conception to the birth of humanity when they realized the mental capacity to choose. It can still protect us but over the millennia increasing numbers of us chose to ignore ’Her’ ideal, and thus our increasing disease. Specifically, ignoring the overlap causes, it could save the $34 billion cost of weight loss drugs, about $800 billion cost for treating type II diabetes, and many billions more in other healthcare costs.

Part 2. Nature’s ideal life: It protected our predecessors from conflict until the birth of humanity. It can still protect us but over the millennia increasing numbers of individuals chose to ignore ‘Her’ ideal and thus, our increasing conflict.

Part 3. The integration of parts 1 and 2

Part 4. Existential risks: They are the result of our ancestors increasingly choosing to ignore Nature’s nutritional ideal. They may be reduced by expanding our mental capacity beyond what was realized at the birth of humanity. It would only take an instant, but the time we have to make the necessary choice is quickly running out.

Part 5. Appendix: Mostly diet related math that may have caused the mathematically challenged to quit reading in the middle of Part 1.

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