BATHROOM 3

So far the renovation of Mom's bathroom has not gone according to plan; but does anything ever go according to plan? I had no schedule. They only create a lot of tension and often conflict  between the people involved. However, I must say I am somewhat surprised the project I began six months ago remains unfinished. In self defence I am not proof of the theory that guys tend to allow the time line of a project to expand to fill the perceived time available, and I do have the rest of my life.

I was delayed in part because I wanted a bone colored toilet which is not a stock item. Apparently it only required a week to make but it was made in south Mexico and then shipped by jackass so it took over two months to arrive. I installed the toilet about two months ago and even I don't take two months to build a vanity. It has been delayed because I was forced out of retirement by a former brother and a now lost friend.

Although I didn't have a schedule that I needed to maintain, I did have one time related concern. Being aware of the age thing, it didn't matter what Mom's bathroom looked like, I didn't want it to be without a toilet for any  time at all. However, despite my greatest effort not even this tiniest issue of time went according to plan. I needn't have worried though; I was always able to make it to the downstairs bathroom on time. 

When I finally got to the task the toilet installation did not go according to plan either. I had to install it three times. The first time the toilet seemed to settle right to the floor with no resistance from the wax sealing ring. However, I left it and caulked it. Two hours later I discovered a pool of water soluble caulking at the side of the toilet. I figured a thicker ring would solve the problem.The next day I used the thicker ring and two hours later I discovered a pool of water soluble caulking at the side of the toilet again. During the second installation the toilet rocked as I tried to seat it on the thicker wax ring. A rocking toilet is not good. So prior to my third attempt I lowered the flange which was originally set for a thicker floor.

The second new thicker ring resisted a bit and the toilet bottomed on the floor without rocking, both really good signs. Still nervous about a leak though I left a paper towel on the floor where I found the two previous pools of water soluble caulking. When I returned two hours later the towel was gone. My mother thought it looked messy. I put down another towel and threatened my apprentice with dismissal if she moved it again. When I next returned to the toilet the towel was still there and it had a spot of water on it, right under the tap that supplies the water. The toilet never did leak but now  neither does it rock.

It looks good too despite a change of plan. The plan was to place the toilet with its back against the wall but I didn't have the toilet and I needed the toilet to install the venting for the Panfan. So I thought I would go against convention and turn the toilet 90 degrees placing its back against the vanity. The vanity would cover a larger hole in the wall allowing me to determine the height of the venting after I got the toilet. Before making a final decision I checked with Mom. She thought it was a bit weird but assured me she would not get confused.

The more I thought about it the more inspired the change seemed. A 30" toilet comes half way into a 5' wide bathroom. By turning it sideways it would no longer seem like we had to detour around the toilet to get to the shower. It is more efficient as well. To use a conventionally placed toilet you must first make a 90 degree turn in front of the toilet and then back up. Turned as it is you can drive straight in, veer slightly to the left and then back up. If you are in a real hurry you can jump on sideways. Try doing that with a toilet with its back against the wall without hurting yourself. 

As you should expect by now my bathtub/shower construction didn't go according to plan either. Before starting I imagined replacing the tub with a full 60x30 inch custom built shower enclosure. Imagine my panic attack when after removing the tub I found this ugly black pipe jutting into the corner of my space. I shouldn't have been surprised. I could see the pipe in the ceiling of the basement. It was the vent pipe that had to be in the bathroom wall. However, rather than bore through the beam that supported the wall like some might, my plumber offset the pipe just above the floor. This was possible because the offset is hidden under the flange of a standard tub on which you place the soap dish, shampoo and rubber duck. The reason I was surprised is that though I saw the pipe in the basement a hundred times,  on each occasion by the time I got back upstairs I forgot it was there.

After my initial panic attack subsided enough for my brain to function, I decided to simply cut the corner. Then, I didn't even get to the ceiling of my imagined 45 degree block out before planning to cut it off at 16", put a granite top on it and call it a seat. One of the motivations that inspired my design was the memory of having to steady Dad with one hand while holding a hand held shower head with the other. So I wanted to be easily able to accommodate a seat. Had I had this one while he was alive I could have sat Dad in the corner, turned on the shower and let the soothing water fall. He would have loved this built in seat. Mom and I might too. I call it my serendipity seat.

I hesitate to tell you I have begun the final phase of my renovation in case you hold your breath until I write the final report. I didn't want to rush into it so I started with a towel rack. When I finish that I will assemble the parts of the vanity that have been collecting dust for two months. I will keep you posted. In the meantime if you want to see how far I have come click here to go to the bathroom. If this door is locked enter through the photo album.

 

LOVE

Love is an emotional force which we generate when we reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God, the ideal reaction to the void. This natural activity is the only source of the emotion that makes us feel like hugging ourselves, wrapping our arms around humanity and embracing God. Natural activity is a condition of life so without some we self-destruct. It is also optional; consequently, we all experience love to some extent but not all to the same extent.

If we engaged exclusively in natural activity we could not contain the love we would generate. However, reaching out to the limits of our capacities to others and to God exclusively, though ideal, is also the most difficult reaction to the void. Trying to fill the void or giving up are easier but these choices are not without consequences. Specific to love, when we replace an amount of natural activity with that amount of unnatural activity the love we generate diminishes accordingly. 

As we move away from the ideal, giving up is simply more and more of a drag on others. On the other side of the continuum however, as we increase our efforts to fill the void we begin and continue to consume more and more love of others while generating less and less until we reach bottom where we generate no love and too late discover not even the love of God can fill the void in just one of us. 

We clearly generate less love than we consume. The wreckage of humanity trying to fill the void with the love of another litters the landscape of life. Furthermore, where there is love in our life there is no room for hate and we are not turning it away. We are in such a self-destructive tragedy. We can try to fill the void with love  for an entire lifetime and remain unfulfilled. Yet in a moment of reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others, and to God we will experience love. Still, we keep trying to fill the void.
(see the last why: poem)

AN ANGEL 8

Mom is 90, it is February and none of us knows how many days we have. So even though there was work waiting, I took Mom cross country skiing last week. Within minutes of starting Mom fell going down a slight incline. The impact bruised her backside but she didn't mention being in pain at the time so we continued on. It was a perfect day, a few degrees above freezing with not a cloud in the sky so except for the odd bit of shade we skied in sunshine most of the way around a 3k track.

As we neared the end of the track Mom fell again on the same incline, this time face first. "It was nothing", she said as blood seeped from a split lip while I held snow on it to slow the swelling. Mom was in obvious pain and I was in agony. I deeply regretted allowing Mom to try climbing that rise. It was pain I didn't need. Daily living with Mom is painful enough.

It is not the kind of pain in the neck I can be. It is the pain I experience when I see Mom unsure of her balance, when I have to help her count the change in her purse, when I have to repeat pieces of information over and over, when she needs help to sort out her memories, when we now have to rest going up hills on our walks, when I have to raise my voice so she can hear, when she falls asleep more frequently. It is the pain I experience as I watch another feather fall from the wings of my angel on an otherwise perfect day. 

LIFE: an Olympic journey

There are within the Olympics a few nuggets of value but they are buried in a mountain of self-destructive waste. Trying to fill the void in our lives in any way is self-destructive. The Olympics is the epitome of trying to fill the void with preeminence in the sphere of sports/entertainment. The focus of the entire multi-billion dollar spectacle is the gold. The games allow one individual, an event team and a nation to proclaim they are the best in the world one day in the month of February in 2006. We celebrate one winner and ignore all the losers.

With the pursuit of preeminence dominating our present activities, it is difficult to see that in real life there are only winners. In real life we reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God. The goal is not gold but self-realization. There is proof in "the games" that "reaching out the limits of our capacities..." requires an Olympic effort. However, what we don't see is that our capacities are irrelevant. Regardless of our capacities, self-realization gives each of us the same thrill as winning an Olympic gold medal and demands a similar celebration.

The motto of the present Olympics, farther, faster, higher, bigger, better is an unwitting recognition that the void can not be filled. So we really should quit trying to become the best in the world and focus on simply being the best we can be. If this becomes our goal the Olympic games will disappear; but in place of the quadrennial competition that creates a handful of winners in a world of losers will be universal daily participation in a cooperative effort to experience the thrill of achieving self-realization. Self-destruction will cease. Team Humanity will be the winner. see (the last why: the poem)

ASSISTED SUICIDE

Death is inevitable. The way we live and die is not. By the law of human nature we have two choices. We can reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others  and to God. Or we can contaminate this ideal reaction to the void in one of two ways. We can to some extent either try to fill the void or give up.

The consequence of giving up is passive self-destruction. The consequence of trying to fill the void is active self-destruction in a mess of conflict, division, inequity, hopelessness and all other unpleasant aspects of our existence. The consequence of reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God is self-realization in a medium of peace, unity, connection, equity, hope and all other pleasant aspects of life it is possible to experience. 

Given our life circumstances there can be no disputing we are predominantly trying to fill the void and therefore are assisting in the suicide of humanity. We should  be convicted of contaminating the ideal. With our record we do not have the moral authority to  judge the few who assist those of us who wish to leave life on our terms. I am not talking about giving up. Though it is easy to understand why so many of us do, contaminating the ideal by giving up is also against the "law". 

However, even if we eliminate these two crimes against humanity, death in the "ideal" life is still inevitable and it should not be a crime to leave it the way we want to when our end is near. When our capacities are diminished and our vital energy is almost exhausted, we should be able to reach out to another for assistance in reaching out to God in life one last time. (see poem)

ENOUGH

In a closing remark before the New Year a CBC host said, "Whatever it is you want more of in 2006, I hope it is enough." There is another possibility but tragically, when trying to fill the void, more will never be enough.

 There is not enough money or ways to spend it in the entire universe to fill the void in just one of us. If we had all the time in eternity to fill the void with religious/philosophical pursuits, they would fall short. There is no one fact that will fill the void, nor will all the facts combined. A family, regardless of its make-up cannot fill the void. There is not enough love in the world to fill the void in only one person. No occupation is capable of filling the void. Preeminence, no matter the sphere can not fill the void. All the alcohol, drugs, sex, gaming and other anaesthetic activities taken together would be insufficient to fill the void. Not even by combining the ways we try, can we fill the void. Still we try, we fight over inadequate resources and we self-destruct.

Though we can't fill it we can minimize the effect of the void by reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God. Because we have unique capacities, there would be no conflict. The resulting self-realization will be more than enough of what we want. (see poem)

HUMANITY DISCONNECTED

A couple weeks ago I received emails from a cousin Susan, a nephew Gordon and Sven Latham, a man I only know through the "Blogwise" portal he has created. I receive other emails but these three created in me a feeling I struggled to describe. All the other emails keep me in contact; but these three I eventually decided made me feel momentarily connected. It is a feeling we all long to but rarely experience.

More commonly we feel disconnected from each other. It is a dreadful feeling but though common it is apparently unintended. The facts of life seem to confirm we all come with the hardware we need to feel connected. We have the necessary program too. It is to reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God. One of the many consequences of this ideal reaction to the void is feeling connected. However, the program is optional.

We can, if we choose to, modify our common program by adding efforts to fill the void with a number of inherited reactions. The modification is not simple addition though, because space in the program is limited. Thus, when we add an amount of any way we try to fill the void we must delete an equivalent amount of "reaching out...", with only one restriction. The moment we delete the last byte of "reaching out..." we self-destruct. 

The relationship between reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God and feeling connected, is direct. The more we "reach out..." the more connected we feel; and conversely the more we try to fill the void the more disconnected we feel. By the definition of life we have to feel somewhat connected. At present however, we feel generally disconnected because our lives are predominantly efforts to fill the void. 

To feel more connected we need to delete our efforts to fill the void and reinstall our common program. By reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God we will create the human interconnect and commonly experience feeling connected.
see (the last why: the poem)

AN ANGEL 7

Shania Twain is among the most beautiful women in the world. She is among the most talented singers in the world. She is probably among the richest women in the world. Therefore, a couple months ago she was given a Governor General's award to go along with all her music awards. What a discouraging message that sends to the rest of humanity!

My mother is 90 years old, is not at all Shania beautiful, has no particular talent and is not wealthy. She dedicated the best 32 years of her life full time to her 5 children and until almost two years ago, 64 years to her husband. She has put at least as much effort into her life as Shania and has not received a moment of recognition. So according to the Governor General and our discouraging view of life, my mother is a loser. In fact Governor Generally speaking we are all losers. 

This example of our preoccupation with awarding pre-eminence so angered me I started another rant. Mom asked me to explain. I shared with her the essence of my thoughts. I concluded by saying, "You should get a Governor General's award." After a moment to reflect Mom replied , "You should get a Governor General's award too", paused a second, then said, "Every one should get an award." 

Mom is right; but we don't need the pins. We should simply "reach out to..." and award each other with the recognition that each of us is equally pre-eminent in the 'eyes of God'. see (the last why: the poem)

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OF GETTING

The most enduring image evoked by the experience of this past Christmas season is a 'plague' of shoppers swarming in the malls of the world devouring every available piece of merchandise. It is a month long documentary that begins with the scene of people being trampled by a frenzied mob breaching the doors of a Wall mart the day after the American Thanksgiving. It ends with a shot that showed blocks long lines of shoppers, many having waited over night to get the first bite of Boxing Day bargains, stampeding into opening stores.

The narrative that accompanied the documentary included the familiar themes like, "busiest shopping day of the year", "over 600 credit card transactions/minute", and some % "increase in sales". In addition to these there was a new one that especially caught my attention. At the height of the shopping spree reporters mentioned a scientific study which confirmed what has long been suspected, that the experience of shopping leaves elevated levels of dopamine at synapses in the area of the brain that creates the sense of pleasure. In other words, shopping provides the same buzz as mood altering drugs. 

So, for all these years we were wrong when we've said, "It is better to give than to receive". We now know it is better for us to get than to give. That's why we swarm in the malls. How fortunate that shopping is a legal, over-the-counter 'drug'. What a bonus that Christmas allows us to O.D. without social condemnation. How unfortunate that shopping is addictive, that more shopping will never be enough, that shopping can be as self-destructive as any of the other ways we try to fill the void.

CHRISTMAS POEM , CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL of LIGHTS,
CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS TREE/FREEDOM FLOWER.
The Last Why: the poem 

CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS

Our village is designed for walking and quite often my mother and I will stroll through it for a change of view. At this Christmas time of year it is illuminated by quite a spectacular display of lights. On a recent walk my mother just enjoyed the beauty. I too enjoyed the sight but in keeping with the various traditions of the season, I saw a "festival of lights".

From a catalog of faded memories I recalled an early Celtic tradition associated with new life after a dark cold winter. There is a separate memory, the Jewish "festival of lights" that remembers the purification of their temple after the dark years during which Greek-Syrians imposed their culture on the early Hebrews. The authors of Christianity adopted that symbolic purification of light to represent Jesus, "the light of the world" who was supposed to save all mankind from the darkness of death. In their attempts to spread this gospel, early missionaries 'fertilized' Celtic traditions and that encounter has evolved into the display of lights we see today.

Although specific groups continue to make valiant attempts to retain the symbolism in their "festival(s) of lights", generally it seems to have changed. The "festival of lights" I see on my walks and imagine replicated on streets throughout the westernized world, has come to symbolize the season during which we most fervently act on our belief in the ability of our god the economy to save us from the dark void we sense in our lives.

see CHRISTMAS POEM , CHRISTMAS,
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OF GETTING,
CHRISTMAS TREE/FREEDOM FLOWER.
The Last Why: the poem

CHRISTMAS

For at least the western world, the 24th of December is the day of the year when our materialistic reaction to the void reaches its zenith. This reaction permeates and dominates our existence throughout the year but at Christmas time we engage in an orgy of spending that is the supreme effort to fill the void in our lives with all the gifts money can buy.

We can try to disguise it in swaddling clothes or dress it up in an warm red suit but the real story of Christmas is how much more than last year did we spend. Increased spending is seen as a "godsend" to retailers. It is interpreted by economists as a sign of confidence in our god, the economy. Religious leaders view it as evidence of  greater "good will toward men". However, the simple, sad truth is that we have to spend more money, for regardless of the ways we try, when trying to fill the void more will never be enough.

No amount of spending nor any effort to recapture the "true meaning" of any celebration around this time of year will bring "peace on earth". Only by reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God will we enjoy throughout the year the gifts of life we receive with this ideal reaction to the void.

see CHRISTMAS POEM , CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL of LIGHTS,
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OF GETTING,
CHRISTMAS TREE/FREEDOM FLOWER.
The Last Why: the poem

AN ANGEL 6

On November 21 I wrote an entry entitled "God's Plan". It was  motivated by the story of a man who lost his wife and 7 children in a tragic fire. The interviewer asked the man how he was able to continue on with his life in the face of such tragedy. He responded that he continued to believe in God's Plan. I found it so absurd to believe and offensive to hear someone say that the death of a woman and her 7 children was part of God's  plan I felt compelled to defend God, to put the blame where it belonged.

Mom noticed that I wrote into the early morning. She asked what was so important that it couldn't wait until a more reasonable hour. I said I would try to explain but added I wasn't sure she would understand. Mom always looks for the "silver lining" so when I finished my explanation I expected her to respond with a well worn cliché. Instead she astounded me by uttering the most profound, "Poor God". 

FREEDOM

For me a soaring eagle is the epitome of freedom. I find that image impossible to reconcile with the view of life projected by our "free and democratic society". That phrase along with "freedom loving people" are among the most frequently used by President Bush to describe the collection of us who are not terrorists. Fortunately, we are not as far away from the image of a soaring eagle as we can get; but we are close to that distance and moving in that direction.

Indeed, we are not a "free... society". The U.S.A. alone is forced to spend $7 billion a month to wage the war on terror. I am not sure what they buy for that amount, probably the war in Iraq, homeland security, perhaps even their entire standing military complex. We don't need to know. The point is we can not claim to be a "free...society" while being forced to pay $10s of billions a month world wide to fight terror. 

Though terrorists are the visible 'enemy', they are not the force that restricts our freedom. They are merely a  tangible distraction. The real source of terror for us is meaninglessness, the void we sense is beyond the last why. It is our efforts to fill the void that restrict our freedom, in a spiral cage. We are restricted to the degree we try and our terror increases with our sense of restriction. The greater our terror the more we try to fill the void and so on to self-destruction.

This terror can not be defeated entirely. Certainly no amount of money can fill the void nor can any of the other ways we try. The effect of the void can be minimized; but only by reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God will we be able to 'soar' like an eagle. (see poem)

CHRISTMAS TREE / FREEDOM FLOWER

For a couple years now there has been a newsworthy controversy over whether one of the most beloved symbols of Christmas should be called a Christmas tree. Of course it should. The tree is a symbol of Christmas, a time in the year that is supposed to be meaningful to a significant number of people. The Christmas tree should not be forced to represent a generic holiday.

Since other groups also enjoy a holiday around the end of the year, greetings during this time could be more generic. If we know the significant event being celebrated by the person we greet, then we could use the appropriate specific greeting. However, if as is more often the case we aren't sure who celebrates what, then a greeting of  "happy holiday" should be acceptable. 

If we need a plant to represent this time of year for everyone, I would suggest a single red rose. We could call it the "freedom flower". It would symbolize freedom from the ways we try to fill the void in our lives which are the cause of all conflict from deadly wars to the petty squabble over whether to call a Christmas tree a Christmas tree. While giving the flower we could greet each other with simply, "Freedom". 

CHRISTMAS POEM , CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL of LIGHTS,
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OF GETTING,
CHRISTMAS.
The Last Why: the poem 

AN ANGEL 5

Mom and I go for a walk about 3 times a week. Lately we've gotten back to hitting tennis balls once a week. We play scrabble every night. Ever since I bought my computer 02/05 our routine after scrabble has been for me to practice typing while Mom retired to the couch to read, watch T.V. or both. Though our activity together is probably at an acceptable level, now that my typing is respectable I began thinking I wanted to do a bit more with Mom. So several weeks ago I introduced Mom, who is one month shy of 90, to computer solitaire.

After a life time of playing with them, Mom knew the cards. I'd seen her playing solitaire but I'd never watched closely to see how well she played. If she knew the game at one time, she was definitely rusty. I had to help Mom quite a bit with the moves but she mastered the click and drag immediately. When we finished for the evening Mom smiled and said, "That was fun". Then she added, "I'm not too old to learn something new; never give up, that's me". 

Mom was clearly pleased and she had good reason. She had instinctively rediscovered the purpose of life which is to reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God. Every night since, we've pushed the limits of her capacity to analyse, to concentrate and to remember. She is really improving and together we continue to enjoy the rewards of the ideal reaction to the void. (see poem) 

GOD'S PLAN

Last week a reporter for the C.B.C. did an anniversary follow-up interview with a man whose wife and 7 children died in a house fire. The first interview focused very quickly on the man's faith in God. After filling in background and getting up to date the interviewer focused again on faith by asking the man how he managed to survive such tragedy. He replied that he continued to believe in God's plan. The following evening 2 authors of letters to the editor said it was reassuring that the man could continue to believe in God's plan after such a loss.

Since the sample letters always represent the majority, I must have been the only one thinking it is so utterly absurd to believe and extremely offensive to hear that a woman and her 7 children died as the result of God's plan. That's an obscene distortion of life which in part allows us to sit by and watch millions of people die of aids and starvation while we are starting to spend multi-billions on gifts for Christmas. Neither these nor any other scenarios of death by unnatural activity can be in God's plan. 

God's plan is life by self-realization, the consequence of reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God. Though it is the plan, this innate ideal reaction to the void is not entirely compulsory. We can choose to replace it with any measure of the far easier reactions of trying to fill the void or giving up. Contrary to popular belief however, when we choose to follow our plan, God loses control to the extent we choose the easier reactions. The consequence of our plan is our chosen measure of self-destruction that in the extreme is best described as "all hell breaking loose". We can avoid "hell" simply by choosing God's plan. (see poem)

REMEMBRANCE DAY

I might have gone to a cenotaph as a child but I was 14 when I created my first and only vivid recollection of Remembrance Day. I was in a grade 9 science lab. I recall the portraits of Queen Elizabeth and John Diefenbaker, the Prime Minister of Canada at the time, on the front wall. At 11 a.m. the bell rang. We were told to stand, bow our heads and remember the “fallen soldiers” with 2 minutes of silence.

The thoughts that flowed through my mind during those 2 minutes created channels that remain to this day. I wondered why I couldn’t remember. I worried that I didn’t know what I was supposed to experience. I questioned whether the exercise was for the living, the dead or both. If the latter, did the dead soldiers appreciate their deaths being honored with 2 minutes of empty silence? As I looked around I considered the probability others were feeling as uneasy as I was, embarrassed at our inability to experience remembering while trying to be ritually correct.

I now know we should feel the same gratitude toward “fallen soldiers” we’d feel toward the donor of an organ that gave us life; but do we? I still have serious doubts. Making the ceremony bigger and better over the years has not increased the depth of our gratitude. All this huffing and puffing just expanded the ceremony to occupy the growing sense of emptiness in our lives. The greater size creates only the illusion of gratefulness. I can only guess but I don’t think dead soldiers are honored by it all.

In fact, we’ve made such a mess of the freedom we were given, I can imagine the “fallen soldiers” regretting their gifts. We are less free than we have ever been of the views that create conflict . We really should be ashamed; and  instead of further empty expressions of gratitude we should be apologizing. Then to honor lives given to humanity we should be engaging in the “natural activity” that will transform two minutes of silence into an unlimited future of peace and unguarded freedom.

SELF-DESTRUCTION

Paris is burning! Peace is broken. "The authorities are bewildered." Analysts suggest the causes of the chaos are racism, poverty, joblessness, lack of education, failed integration etc, etc, etc. A common man answers his own query with, "They have everything they need". President Chirac proclaims, "The law must have the last word".

The president is right. The law will have the last word; but it is not French law or any other law of Man that will rule. It is the law of human nature. The suggested causes of chaos are simple, recycled, superficial distractions. The real reasons, which no one wants to talk about, are a universal lack of common purpose and a growing sense of meaninglessness. We could tell young rioters from our own experience that even if they had everything we have, they'd still be unable to fill the void beyond the last why. 

To eliminate the real causes of chaos and at the same time to generate peace we simply must stop trying to fill the void. If we don't soon begin replacing our efforts to fill the void with the ideal reaction to it, "Paris is burning!" will be just another echo of the shout from Roman times. In these times though, it won't be only a single civilization that self-destructs. see (the last why: the poem)

ENTITLEMENTS

David Dingwall, former member of the Canadian Parliament, former cabinet minister and recently former president of the Canadian Mint said it best for us all. He was appearing before an accounts committee to explain his $700,000 expenses over and above his $300,000 salary, over and above his multi-million dollar government pension. Asked specifically if he thought he should receive severance pay after he voluntarily quit his job he replied, "I am entitled to my entitlements."

During the middle 2 weeks in October, news broadcasts were filled with desperate pleas for aid to help victims of the devastating earthquake in East Asia, the tropical storms in the Americas and the drought and aids epidemic in Africa. The reports back informed us that the flow of aid was severely restricted. That could be due to the fact that during the same period Canadians alone were spending $1 billion on Halloween costumes and treats. It didn't matter fellow human beings were cold, starving and dying of preventable diseases. We are, apparently by God, entitled to our entitlements. 

The fact of life is that we have only one entitlement and that is to reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God. Outside this ideal reaction to the void, all of what we consider to be our entitlements we take in our efforts to fill the void. These 'stolen' entitlements are not our rights even though we can create and force obedience to laws that make them legal.

Tragically, if we persist in demanding our perceived entitlements to try filling the void we will self-destruct in conflict over an inadequate supply. However, if we begin claiming our right to reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to God, the consequence will be self-realization. (see poem)

ABORTION

Abortion can not be justified in "real life", the existence we would create if all of us were reaching out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to Nature’s God, the ideal reaction to the void. This natural activity, which results in self-realization, begins at conception and we can only argue otherwise to the extent our activity is less than natural. Natural activity ends with an act of nature. Therefore, if the capacity exists, interrupting an individual's effort to "reach out..." at any stage of life for any reason must be a crime against humanity. In "real life" there is only one right and it is natural activity. All obstacles to, interference with and certainly interruptions of this natural activity are outside the definition of "right". If we can agree to call what is outside "the right", wrong,  then  clearly, abortion is wrong.

In what I see as our present much less than "real life", generally we do not consider all interruptions crimes against humanity. As members of groups we kill great numbers of each other in 'justifiable wars' with no apparent punishment for our crimes, unless as individuals we break the 'rules of war'. Then we risk being punished for some sort of war crime. In the same puddle of muddy reasoning we dither over definitions of genocide, ethnic cleansing and civil war. Millions of us allow millions of others to die of starvation without fear of retribution. We do punish to some degree individuals who kill other post-birth individuals. However, we give ourselves permission to abort the lives of unborn individuals trying only to become what they are capable of being. 

The apparent reason for these legalized abortions is that enough of us believe it is a basic human right for women "to choose". The real reason is that majority of us is predominantly trying to fill the void. In this context of unnatural activity we can justify getting rid of any obstacles, interference and interruptions because we believe we have the right to fill the void in our own way. When trying to fill the void, nothing else matters. I suggest one of the eight ways we try to fill the void is with our anesthetic reaction to it, which includes sex. When trying to fill the void with sex, all individuals who are killed at any stage of life are merely collateral damage, the innocent victims of the war against emptiness. 

My interpretation of our existence is that we are proving we can not win this war by trying to fill the void in any way. My sense is that if we keep exercising our perceived individual right to fill the void in our own way, we will self-destruct in an escalating rate of all crimes against humanity and Nature. If it matters, I believe we can reverse this wave of crime by simply exercising our common human right to reach out to the limits of our capacities, to others and to Nature’s God; to become what we are capable of being. (the last why: the poem)